All posts by Grant Starson

Cinema Sit-Down, Movies/TV

Disney Under the Scope Part 1: Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

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A hard look at the Disney Animated Classics.

As the first cel-animated feature film, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs was nothing short of a technical marvel of its time. Its legacy is no less prolific, with it entering both the legendary Disney lineup and becoming a staple of pop culture. Many kids grow up knowing the dwarfs’ iconic song, “Heigh Ho”, while “Someday My Prince Will Come” has since become a jazz standard, being covered by big names like Miles Davis. To many people, this is the definitive Disney animated film, so my expectations going into it were high, but does it live up to the hype?

Walt Disney’s achievements in the animation of Snow White cannot be denied. Movement is crisp and fluid, the landscapes are colorful and detailed.

Great attention to detail is paid towards replicating realistic lighting effects. Snow White emerges from the shadow of a tree, and the reflections of all the animals can be seen on the water.
Great attention to detail is paid towards replicating realistic lighting effects. Snow White emerges from the shadow of a tree, and the reflections of all the animals can be seen on the water.

Each character is visually distinct from one another, which is particularly important when it comes to the dwarfs. Each one has aspects of their personalities woven into their visual design: Sneezy has a red, swollen nose; Bashful has long eyelashes and bright amber eyes; Doc wears professional looking bifocals; Dopey has big, flabby ears and his clothes look like he could fit a whole other Dopey in there; Happy is, well, happy with a big Santa-Clause-style stomach; and Grumpy has a sleek and edgy figure. Another interesting design choice on the dwarfs is how each one that represents a “down” emotion, such as Grumpy, keeps their hat drooping downward, where as the ones with “up” emotions keep theirs propped up. These are small and simple details to be sure, but they go a long way towards helping to physically distinguish the admittedly otherwise very similar looking dwarfs.

Each dwarf has their own mannerisms and physical features which help the audience know who's who among the dwarfs.
Each dwarf has their own mannerisms and physical features which help the audience know who’s who among the them.

Snow White and the Prince, however, come straight to us from the uncanny valley. They are both smoothly animated like the rest of the film, but they look like real human beings in drawn form, and compared to the cartoony look of the rest of the movie they look out of place.

Snow White and The Prince lack the exaggeration of the rest of the cast, and not only does it make them ill fit for their environment, it also makes them look dull by comparison.
Snow White and The Prince lack the exaggeration of the rest of the cast, and not only does it make them ill fit for their environment, it also makes them look dull by comparison.

The Queen manages to strike a perfect balance between the two, and her old form in particular is to this day among the best examples of animation, period.

The Evil Queen's bigger eyes and more outlandish attire allow her to stylistically mesh with the rest of the film, despite also retaining realistic human proportions.
The Evil Queen’s bigger eyes and more outlandish attire allow her to stylistically mesh with the rest of the film, despite also retaining realistic human proportions.

The art in the movie even manages to enhance the storytelling in many scenes. Upon avoiding being assassinated by the Queen’s huntsman, Snow White runs through the forest and faces what seems to be a forest hell bent on her demise. However, as it comes to a head, it is revealed that the horrible beasts that she thought had been chasing her, were simply adorable woodland creatures trying to help her. It is a unique way of showing Snow White’s state of mind after the attempt on her life. Her entire world had been uprooted, and as far as she knew, everything was out to get her, and her paranoia physically manifested itself in the ghoulish hallucination of the forest.

Another great example is the vultures that follow the Queen throughout the last act of the film. Since the Queen is heading towards Snow White to seal her doom, the vultures appear to foreshadow her death, and it’s even more so implied after Snow White takes a bite of the poison apple, as the vultures immediately fly off screen towards the direction of Snow White’s corpse. However, this is revealed to have been a red herring, as the Queen makes her final stand against the dwarfs, the vultures land on a nearby branch just as the Queen meets her end.

The movie uses the fact that the audience will connect the Vultures' sinister smile with the evil of The Evil Queen, to convince them that the Vulture's are on her side. However, literally embody death, and in the end, death takes no sides.
The movie uses the fact that the audience will connect the Vultures’ sinister smile with the sinister intentions of The Evil Queen, to convince them that the vultures are on her side. However, the vultures literally embody death, and in the end, death takes no sides.

The music in the movie is more of an “eh” quality. While there are catchy melodies like “Heigh Ho” and “Whistle While You Work” none of them are songs I’d voluntarily listen to on my own time. Even the iconic “Someday My Prince Will Come” doesn’t stand out here; it took other musicians covering it later to really bring out the life in the tune. It also doesn’t help that Snow White’s singing voice, done by Adriana Caselotti, sounds like she just got her toe run over by a car. The dwarfs do a better job of singing their parts, but their songs tend to be regulated to the repetitive and simplistic numbers.

So this review is about to follow a convenient descending line pattern, because now I’m going to talk about how the story is impressively bad. It hits this interesting median of bad writing, where not only very little occurs in the film, it’s also full of plot holes. The plot of the film revolves around The Queen deciding to kill her step-daughter, Snow White, because her magic mirror reveals to her that Snow White is the fairest in the land, and not her.

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You'd think he'd also be able to reveal to her that just slapping a maid outfit on someone doesn't make them not hot anymore.
You’d think he’d also be able to reveal to her that just slapping a maid outfit on someone doesn’t make them not hot anymore.

The Huntsman disobeys The Evil Queen’s orders and allows Snow White to escape into the forest where she meets the dwarfs. The Evil Queen finds out and disguises as an old woman to trick Snow White into taking a bite of a poison apple, which Snow White falls for and falls into a sleeping death. The Evil Queen then falls to her death after being chased off by the dwarfs, and The Prince awakens Snow White with “True Love’s Kiss.” I’m sorry for those that haven’t seen the movie, because I just spoiled the film in its entirety.

Now it is an interesting question as to how this film runs for 80 minutes despite having a plot that can be described in full within a few sentences, and the answer to that is because more than half the movie is watching mine work, house cleaning or parties.

I'm sorry movie, I can see you are busy. I'll come back at a better time after you are done tiding up.
I’m sorry, I can see you are busy. I’ll come back at a better time after you are done tidying up.

Now, I’m sure there’s some neat freak outs there that are completely enthralled by Snow White’s intricate, “Sit on Your Ass and Let Animals Do the Work” method of cleaning, and I’m sure the extremely prominent miner audience appreciated their profession getting the Hollywood glorification treatment for once, but it simply doesn’t make for a good plot. The film begins to drag fairly early on once Snow White meets the dwarfs, with the only real respite being the few cutaways to The Queen making her dastardly plans. It’s unfortunate that so little of the film gives focus to The Queen, since the film comes alive whenever she’s on screen. Unlike everyone else in the cast, she has an actual goal that she works towards, even if it’s a simple one, that gives the movie a much better sense of direction. Lucille La Verne puts on a great vocal performance as both the young Evil Queen and her old hag alter ego. She captures a unique personality for each role, despite the two technically being the same character. While in her young form, Lucille speaks in a dignified and calm manner, like someone obsessed with maintaining appearances to those around her. Once the Evil Queen transforms however, every line is delivered with a sheer, unfiltered joyful boom as the old Evil Queen revels in the evil she commits.

Hearing her cackle after taunting the skeleton of a deceased prisoner (potentially The Huntsman) gives off a level of energy the rest of the movie sorely lacks.
Hearing her cackle after taunting the skeleton of a deceased prisoner (potentially The Huntsman) gives off a level of energy the rest of the movie sorely lacks.

It’s interesting that such a simple movie ends up being so poorly written. There are obvious issues, such as the insistence that Snow White and The Prince are in love when The Prince says maybe three sentences throughout the film. He never actually holds a conversation with Snow White, but I was willing to forgive something like that. “True Love at First Sight” can be a tough pill to swallow for someone who loves smartly written character relationships and arcs as much as I do. If it is worked into the narrative properly, or if there’s enough other good traits to distract me from it, I can dig it like a goldmine. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs does neither of these things.

Other than two scenes, The Prince and Snow White are never on screen together, and even in those scenes, they don’t speak to each other, so we never “see” them in love, we just hear Snow White insist how great he is. This becomes a big glaring problem during the “Someday My Prince Will Come” sequence, because Snow White claims that no one else is like The Prince, in front of seven individuals whom she knows much more about. Snow White ends up looking almost as superficial as the Evil Queen, since ultimately, she chose the outward beauty of The Prince over any of the dwarfs whom she had actually grown to know as people.

Snow White is meant to be a woman so kind, gentle and beautiful that people and animals alike instantly develop an attraction to her. However, her actions really make her out to be clueless, inconsiderate and condescending. I suspect Snow White may have some sort of mental deficiency that prevents her from retaining information for more than a few minutes. She recovers disturbingly fast from the attempt on her life, and she doesn’t reference it in any way ever again, she doesn’t even mention The Evil Queen. She decides to enter the dwarfs’ house without invitation or them even being there, as if she’s never heard of the concept of privacy or trespassing. She initially assumes that the dwarfs are children upon seeing the miniature stature of their house, but even upon learning that they are full grown men, she never stops treating them as kids. She cooks for them, forces them to clean themselves, kisses them on their way to work and tells them bedtime stories.

Granted, they apparently hadn't washed for over a year, but if they want to smell like limburger cheese bathed in vinegar, then that's their business. Just hope they don't invite anyone else over for tea.
Granted, they apparently hadn’t washed for over a year, but if they want to smell like limburger cheese bathed in vinegar, then that’s their business. Just hope they didn’t invite anyone over for tea.

Snow White also runs from The Prince in the beginning of the movie, implying that she is timid, then everything she does for the rest of the movie says the exact opposite. She breaks into a stranger’s house, begins running the lives of its inhabitants, accepts a strange woman’s outlandish claims of a magic apple and finally rides off into the sunset with a man she knows nothing about. The reason Snow White ran from The Prince was for plot convenience. Considering the Evil Queen couldn’t survive her encounter with the dwarfs, The Prince probably could have cut her head off and ended the movie in the first ten minutes, if Snow White’s fleeing hadn’t convinced him to leave.

The Evil Queen’s actions tend to make very little sense in regards to her intentions. She keeps Snow White as a maid in an attempt to hide her beauty. Since we see how easily she sentences Snow White to death, that brings up the issue as to why she didn’t kill Snow White a long time ago, and why she assumed that just being a maid would make Snow White less pretty. Her plan with the poison apple hinged on the assumption that Snow White would be buried alive rather than just killing Snow White herself. The Evil Queen also did not need to assume a disguise that so clearly physically handicapped her, thus creating the situation that got her killed. However, I don’t fault that particular point too much, since it ends up being fairly clever having The Evil Queen die as the old and ugly hag that she, ironically, only turned herself into in order to become the most beautiful woman in the land.

The Prince could be replaced with a feathered hat on a stick and the only thing that would change would be the absence of a few sentences. He does nothing, says almost nothing and probably feels nothing even as he rides away with his princess.

I'm not even entirely sure this is a picture of him, it might just be a slab of sculpting marble
I’m not even entirely sure this is a picture of him, it might just be a slab of sculpting marble.

The dwarfs are exactly what they say they are, except Grumpy to a small extent. Happy’s happy, Sneezy sneezes, Sleepy sleeps, Bashful is bashful, Doc is, uh, a doc and Dopey has a dope problem. Grumpy is pretty much in the same boat, but he has a small character arc as he slowly warms up to Snow White and begins to look at her as a friend. His small change makes him the most endearing character in the movie, even if it’s like saying a head of lettuce out of seven was my favorite because it had a small piece of bacon trapped in it.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is like finding an over-stuffed burrito in the fridge. It looks nice and appetizing as you warm it up in the toaster oven, but once you take a bite, all the contents burst out of the other end and leave you with nothing but a cheap shell of that delicious lunch you wanted to eat. Then you look up, and remember that you are actually at your tedious job and you are bored with your life.

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Revolver X Katana Episode 2: A Slight Complication

“ I told ya he was a chiseler, and he’s a china man now get ‘em both!” Michael shouted.

“I am Japanese!” Hasame yelled, offended.

The townsfolk came runnin’ towards us at Michael’s command. It was like a stampede as the dozens of feet of the rampagin’ townsfolk slammed on the ground. Nothin’ was stoppin’ ‘em now, so I got straight up outta my chair jumped on the table to get a better view of an escape route (Not before grabbin’ my earnin’s or course), but Hasame just calmly stepped out of his chair and began drawing his sword. I didn’t know what the Jap was thinkin’ but I didn’t give him a chance to show anybody, I grabbed his arm and pulled him up on the table.

“What do you think you are doing?” Hasame asked blankly, as if I was a minor hindrance to whatever plan was runnin’ through his mind.

“savin’ your hide from doin’ somethin’ stupid! Just do what I do and we’ll get outa this mess.” I pointed at a small opening in the crowd between the woman with the eye patch and the doctor where I was plannin’ to jump to the next table through ‘em. Hasame seemed to be two steps ahead because by the time I looked back at him he was already in the air. He landed with same style that he had before, and looked back at me impatiently. I got a runnin’ start and kicked off the table’s edge , unfortunately my time in the air didn’t go as smoothly as his did, and I started comin’ down too early, right in the middle of the lot of ‘em. The woman’s hand reached fer a gun in her coat pocket.

Bang!!!!

Her limp body fell flat backwards on to the doctor behind her, blood trickled down her forehead. Me and Hasame took the opportunity to run straight out the saloon door. I looked around for a place to hide, and I saw the train station. “Here, let’s go in the station, there’s bound to be stuff to hide behind.” My suggestion didn’t seem to sit well with my Asian partner.

“I will not hide, especially since there is no point, I can take on these barbarians. Wait here if you want to be a coward.” He went for his sword again and began walkin’ to the saloon, but I grabbed him by the shoulder.

“Look partner, I’m sure you can handle a pack of drunk, stupid locals. You don’t want to be stirring up that kind of trouble, you’ll wind up with bounty on yer head, and be dead within the month.” Hasame gave me the look of a stubborn ass that finally gave way and went with me to the station. When we got there, I saw what looked like a cargo loadin’ area, on an elevated wood floor, with several piles of wooden barrels and crates. We hid ourselves among the cargo, and it looked like we had lost ‘em. “Damn preacher just had to get me to shoot ‘em, I wasn’t plannin’ fer a darin’ escape today. Well, at least I made a fine dollar offa the Lord’s right hand man before I have to be jumpin’ from the flames of Hell.”

“I hope you jump from flames better than tables.” Hasame laughed at me.

“Look here, I don’t usually have to jump from tables, so excuse me if I’m not hoppin’ like a damn Jackrabbit . I don’t know what the hell happened to my sleeves that they split open like that, I gotta stop buyin’ the cheap clothes.”

“Oh no, it was not your clothes, it was me.” Hasame continued chuckling.

“What the hell do you mean it was you?!” I whispered angrily. I was trying to keep from bein’ noticed by our adorin’ fans, but trying to fight the urge to punch Hasame’s smirkin’ bazoo in.

“I mean I cut your sleeves, I saved you from the dishonor of a life of cheating so tha…” SMACK!! Right then I showed him what I thought of his savin’ me and I punched him square in his tiny, self-righteous nose. His hat flew off and  he flew straight into a barrel pile, knockin’ ‘em over and buryin’ him. While he was under, I managed to put two and two together. Punchin’ a guy who can cut my sleeves from across a table, without me even noticing, may not have been a good showin’ of my brains. Hasame was down for a minute and then started pushin’ the cargo offa him, and I made a sound somewhere between “gulp” and “crap”; somethin’ like “crulp” or “cralp” or maybe even a simple “shit”; either way I was not in an agreeable situation. Not that I couldn’t have taken the Asian, it just wasn’t the time to be shootin’ signals to my “rescuing party”. Hasame got up from the barrels and gave me a look of disappointment.

“These barrels are heavy, you could have killed me, and some of them have a horrible odor.” Hasame patted dust off his clothes and retrieved his hat.

“Judging from the smell, I’d say cow manure, and I wish you had gotten buried in it. I was tryin’ to earn me an honest day’s pay when you so rudely outed me. Now once word spreads, ain’t no one goin’ to play me in five finger fillet, let alone poker.  I don’t know what manners they teach you over in Japan, but over here, when you see a man chiselin’, you shut yer yap and let him work!” Poker was about the only thing that gave me a good time anymore, not that the people I played were ever any good, they weren’t, but their money was good to buy gin and a night at the local bordello. If it was a “good” Christian town like this one, then I just used the money to get drunk and usually ended up takin’ a leak on the front door of the church, not that I’m a blasphemer, the town preacher usually joined me.

“Don’t worry… I’m sorry what was your name?” Hasame asked.

“Jim.”

“Yes, Jim, well don’t worry I’m beginning to think that I may have the wrong man regardless. I wouldn’t want to be traveling the country with a man who punches people he met 5 minutes ago.”

“You got me run outta town!”

“Are you arguing the point? Maybe you do want to join me after all.”

“…. look shut yer damn trap, I told you I ain’t got no interest!” I was startin’ to get to the point where I was lyin’. When Hasame mentioned travelin’ around the country, my ears perked up a bit out of excitement, and I think Hasame was readin’ me.

“Yes, you told me that before, so once we deal with this current problem, we can part. Though of course you made even that more irritating than it needed to be.” Hasame answered in a half smart ass tone.

“What are you talkin’ about.” I asked.

“The old woman, the town’s people aren’t going to be happy about that.”

“What about the old hag?” I knew in the back of my head what he was talkin’ about, a man don’t shoot a woman down and expect to hear the end of it. I knew, but I still wanted to play stupid about it fer as long as I could before a bounty hunter came and broke my head in.

“Drifter! Now you ain’t getting’ nowhere alive, you killed Ashley! Get out here now, so we can all get our shots in on ya!” That gave me my answer, and my time in this town was about up. Me and Hasame crouched as close down as we could behind the barrels, and I began thinkin’ about how to get out of our unfortunate predicament. “If you ain’t comin’ out, we’s just gonna have to look fer ya and then when we find ya, we’s gonna take our time with ya instead!” The yellin’ seemed to be gettin’ closer to the station. I looked around to find a better place to evade the posse and I took notice of the fairly large barrels. I could see a person fittin’ in ‘em.
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“We’ll hide in these barrels; no one would think to look in ‘em, too original.” I whispered to Hasame.

“Everyone has thought of that, why don’t I just send up a flag to tell them we are here, at least then I could just deal with them and be done with it.”

“You are givin’ these drunkards too much credit, they don’t have the brains to think to look in there.”

“I think they will if they see all the contents of them spilled around them” Hasame pointed out. He was right, I had to think how to hide the cargo or find an almost empty barrel. I began tapping lightly on some barrels, listening to see how hollow they sounded. Luckily, I managed to find at least one with enough room for a person.

“Got a barrel I can hide in over here.” I said

“What about me?” Hasame asked.

“What about you? You got us into this mess, have fun findin’ another barrel.” I started climbin’ in and Hasame gave an annoyed sigh. He took out his sword and looked at the top of one of the barrels.

“Apples, I can deal with that.” He spoke to himself. He then took out his sword and started to be trace a circle on the floor. Then he made a quick swiping motion and a clean cut circle hole formed on the wood floor. Then he kicked over the apple barrel, opened it, and dumped the apples down the hole.

“They will notice a big hole in the floor Asian man.” I smirked back at him.

Hasame merely looked disinterested in my remark as he continued his work.  He then moved the other cargo over the hole, covering it from sight. “Now we may continue to hide like cowards in peace.” And with that we both hopped in our barrels. As I made myself as comfortable as I was gonna be in a barrel in hot as hell desert weather, I heard footsteps comin’ into the station.

“Where the hell did those yellow bellies run off to?” Said a male voice.

“I’d be hiding too if we was comin’ after me! Yoo Hoo!” A female this time. BANG! BANG! Two gunshots went off, sounded like a buffalo rifle too, great all’s I need to deal with right now is heavily armed inbred drunkards.

“Ya idiot, why are you firin’ randomly into the air?!”

“Uh, I don’t know, I was just getting’ excited is all, you know we’s gonna kill the bunko artist who killed Ashley, that’s kinda excitin’.”

“But we gonna have a hard time doin’ that with no ammo!”

“I hadn’t thought of that, you’s always were the brains honey.”

“Damn Eliza, you’s the reason people think we’re just a bunch of inbred drunks.”

I was getting’ tired listenin’ to these morons, their voices were like iron nails grindin’ down a chalkboard and the heat inside the barrel was makin’ me awful irritable.

“But we are inbred cousin.”

And they keep goin’

“We’s different, we’s love each other, and don’t you know they say true love kills ‘em all, er somethin’ like that”

True love conquers all! God just take me now if I can just stop hearin’ these two.

“Yer right cousin, I love you.”

That was it, I was gonna get up and shoot these two in head to shut ‘em up, I didn’t care about any bounty. I grabbed my gun as sweat was rollin’ down my face and my eyes were gettin’ blurry, but luckily the two were called away by some of the other townsfolk. I had to get out and get some air, I was startin’ to feel faint. I lifted up the lid some to see if I was in the clear, and I saw a train was comin’ to the station. It looked like a passenger train with a few extra cars to transport cargo, and as it got closer I closed the lid and went back to hidin’. I started wondering what Hasame was doin’ this whole time, he must have been in the same predicament, but I didn’t see or hear a peep out of ‘em. The train’s steam engine was gettin’ louder and louder as it got closer until finally I heard the screeching of the brakes hittin’ the tracks. After a minute or two the train sounded like it came to a full stop, and I heard people gettin’ off close to us.

“Sorry folks, just stopping for some supplies, it will only be a minute.” I assumed it was one of the train workers callin’ out to the passengers. I heard footsteps getting’ closer and closer to us.

“We should really consider stocking up on supplies before trips, I hate having to carry all these heavy barrels.” So I went from the two love birds to listenin’ to a train worker complain about his job, why is it I need to be hearin’ everyone’s life story while I’m in here. I didn’t have to listen for long though, I felt me gettin’ picked up. “Ug! What’s in these barrels! Potatoes!? Must be enough in there to give the passengers mashed potatoes for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the next month.” The trainman then put down and went out fer more. I must’ve been a half hour before the train started movin’ again, damn train workers always lie about how long things take. I remember one time I was travelin’ to California by train and the conductor just stopped the train, and said “Hey wait folks we gotta do some emergency repairs, but it will only take 5 minutes.” 3 hours later, he came back drunk and once he started up the train again, it caught fire. The guys workin’ the furnace panicked and ended up sendin’ some hot coal through the air which went right into my hand, givin’ me a nice memento to remember my experience with Douglas Train Transport with. Not the war wound Hasame was hopin’ it was, but I had plenty of those to make up for his disappointment when he finds out. As the train started up again, I finally gave in to the heat and everything went dark.

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Revolver X Katana: Episode 1 Enter the Eastern Wind

“Ya God damned, yella belly, chiseler!” Michael, the town priest, bellowed at me. “You had cards up yer sleeves the whole game!” By this time, after about two dollars worth of whiskey was in ‘em, I reckoned Michael was full as a tick, and he was just creatin’ a fuss to cover his losses. Unfortunately fer me, his blabberin’ had some truth to it, and the people in this town didn’t much care fer bunko artists. If I was found out, I’d reckon I’d be run straight outta town. However, Michael had garnered a reputation fer shootin’ his mouth when the goin’s got tough fer him in Texas Hold ‘Em.

“Pull in your horns, ya godly drunkard, I ain’t got no cards up my sleeve, and even if I did, I wouldn’t need ‘em. Yer Poker face is about as solid as the crap that comes outta me after I eat the food of this here fine establishment.” The other people in the saloon gotta kick outta that one, even the bartender and the other fellas that I’d done busted outta the game earlier. That was the reaction I needed outta ‘em, I needed to make sure Michael was the joke, and that no one was gonna take ‘em seriously. “Now why don’t you hobble yer lip, and let’s wind up this here match.”

“Shut yer mouth, a swindler like you has no right talkin’ to a man of God like that. I say you got cards up yer sleeve, and I never lie,” Michael claimed.

“If that’s so, then maybe that’s why yer such a deadbeat poker player!”  I joked back. Again, I proved to be makin’ a fool outta Michael; the patrons’ laughter got louder. Michael didn’t much appreciate bein’ the butt of a joke, and the more people laughed the angrier, and stupider, he got. He got up outta his chair and leered at me.

“You think it’s funny, what yer doin’? The lord doesn’t take kindly to those who break his sixth commandment ya goddamned sinner!” Michael hollered at me. I thought to myself how funny it was that most of my loudest opponents in Texas Hold ‘Em were some form of holy men. Like Michael, they all lost their flannel mouths once they started turnin’ up losses while gambling, some I didn’t even swindle before they started runnin’ their mouth’s. Some were heeled and could think of nothin’ better than to draw on me. Since those times I learned to always carry a six shooter, and to spot whether my opponents did the same. Judgin’ from the holster on his right thigh, Michael was lookin’ to be one of those times.

“Well I guess it’s good that I ain’t goin’ to bed with ya, otherwise the Lord himself might have to come down here, and then I’d actually have to fight for my money!” I blasphemed back. The entire saloon was in an uproar of laughter, Michael, the town idiot at the center of it all.

“That’s it! I’ll show ya what cheaters get around here!” hollered Michael, as he began to move his hand towards his holster. Before Michael could even bring his gun up to aim, I had taken my gun outta it’s holster and rested it neat in between my two hands, with my left hand leaning on the hammer. I fired two shots: one shot the gun straight outta Michael’s hand, and the other hit Michael’s hand, makin’ sure he would continue to stay unarmed. The two-bit preacher fell to the ground clutchin’ his holy hand in pain and hollerin’ the Lord’s name in vain.

“Not even a holy man points a gun at me without someone gettin’ hurt. I suggest that you lay off the liquor while playing a hand, yer life just might be a little longer that way.” I grimaced at him. I often times react completely on instinct when I see someone pullin’ a gun, somethin’ of a habit from the service. I learned to defend my life as a second nature, and a threat to my life can give me a bit of a blow-up. Unfortunately, I didn’t need to be causing no ruckus, I needed to quit while’n I was ahead.

As I began thinkin’ about how to weasel my way outta this situation, I looked around and realized the peanut gallery had switched from laughing at Michael’s expense to givin’ me a collective evil eye. I reckoned that my hasslin’ of the priest was all in good fun, but shootin’ him mighta’ pushed my luck.

“You should learn to keep yer trigger finger in check drifter, you can’t just come into a town and shot up our holy man”, said a local. His words struggling to escape from his mouthful of tobacco, causing black lines of spit to run through his knotted, snow white beard, makin’ him look like one of them Zebras. “You’s in a whole heap a’ trouble boy.”

“I say we outta hang ‘em, any man who’d shoot a holy man must surely be of the devil!” accused a small woman, with an eye patch on her left eye, and wrinkles like she was 70, though her hair being a golden blonde got me thinkin’ she was younger.

“I say we beat his pretty little face in, I get first gut punch,” said a towering man as he cracked his hairy knuckles.

“Now, now let’s not be so barbaric,” the town doctor said in a gentle voice. “We have guns for the sake of executions, much quicker and more humane.” At least someone cared.

Shootin’ Michael was not the best idea on my part; as it turns out some people just don’t stand for their Gospel sharps gettin’ shot, even if they are mudsills like Michael. “I reckon I owe y’all an apology, holy men are best to be respected, I agree. My shootin’ this here fine fellow was a simple misunderstandin’ on the part of my reflexes. Ya see, I’m somethin’ of a coward when it comes to guns, I get skittish when folks pull ‘em out. Sometimes it makes me do stupid things like shoot; however, I think we can all just push this incident under the rug, Michael should be just fine. Let’s all remember to turn the other cheek.” My ploy of innocence looked to have calmed my angry mob a bit, even if they were still arguing over how best to tan my hide. However, Michael would not turn his left ass cheek for me.

“My goddamn hand’s bleedin’ out, I’m gonna die! Yaarg! That damn hustler is a liar, a blasphemer, and a sexual deviant! String ‘em up!” I didn’t get a chance to talk back to the angry mob, or to ask Michael how he knew about my sex life. At the order of Michael, the mob of town’s people began comin’ down on me like the mallet of a particularly stupid judge. I began to inch my way back, but too little effect. I was cornered like a rat between the saloon walls and the pissed off town’s folk.

All of the sudden a queer looking guy landed between me and the crowd, he had jumped from the second floor of the saloon.   He landed on all fours facing the crowd as if he were a jungle man, with the wind swishing around his loose clothing. He wore a large, circular hat that appeared to be made of straw, with metal trims on the edge. The hat came to a shallow point, and spread out over his head to about a shoulder’s length from his head, like a parasol.  As he stood up, a foreign character was on the back of his upper clothes, created by a long, snake like design with golden scales, that went over his left shoulder. He had a sheath hanging by the left side of his waist, tied to his side by a cloth belt. He then quickly unsheathed a long, thin blade and pointed it directly at the crowd. “This guy must have a death wish” I thought to myself.
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“I shall deal with this man”, commanded the mysterious stranger in a heavy accent. He then turned around to face me, and stretched his arm out, as if to barricade the crowd from me with his sword. His sleeves were danglin’ lazily off his arms, as if they were made fer a bigger man. His outfit was snow white, with a cut away on his neck, revealin’ much of his chest, and a red, fire shaped trim around the neck and sleeves. The end of the snake design was apparent, it was the creature’s head breathin’ the fire that created the trims. It’s nose made up about half of its narrow face. The other half of its face was covered had thick, fiery, red fur that extended as a narrow line across the top of his body.

“Hey, get the hell outta my way.” The giant started to approach the stranger, crackin’ his fists. The stranger didn’t even turn around; his glance was fer me alone. His eyes were narrow and slanted, he was an Asian man. The Eastern Man didn’t give a continental about the giant’s threat, which seemed to both offend and stun the hard case.

“Please, join me at the table.” The stranger pointed his sword at me, while askin’ me, I guess the “please” was just good manners. I sat down at the same table I played Michael at, with my new “friend” opposite of me.  He sheathed his sword and assumed a distinct posture, placin’ both his hands all neatly in his crotch. “I noticed your skill with that gun.” He liked to be gettin’ straight to the point I could see.

“Anybody coulda’ made that there shot. Michael’s fat arse made himself an easier target than a dead fish in a glass barrel when he got drunk.” The crowd growled like mutts ready to tear me apart. “Uh, not that I took pleasure in shootin’ his hand, no matter how like a dead fish it was.” My attempt at unstirrin’ the ruckus I caused was about as successful as it woulda’ been if I’d done threw a dead fish at ‘em.

“No, you made that shot so quickly, it was barely visible. You wield that gun with the grace of a katana. You hit your precise mark and put your weapon away, before most people can react.” The easterner was flatterin’ me, but oddly he sounded none too impressed. “My name is Hasame, and I have a job for one with your talents.” I had a feeling he was gettin’ around to offerin’ me some fancy job, probably to track some bounty down or kill someone he didn’t like. I was about to stop him there, but Michael did that favor fer me.

“Yer all a bunch of morons! Why haven’t ya’ll killed them yet!” Michael was not about to let our conversation go smoothly. At his hollerin’ the crowd again started inchin’ over to us, but this time I decided to put some fear in ‘em. I shot two bullets directly at the floor in front of the giant, stoppin’ ‘em all dead in their tracks. I can’t stand people who interrupt me.

“Thank you for that.” Hasame continued. “I have great need for an American with your talents, I am . . .”

“Stop right there partner, I ain’t in no mood to be taking on no jobs”. I had absolutely no desire to do any job that required my shootin’ talents, I was just fine drifting from town to town playing poker and relaxin’. I liked to avoid fightin’ when I could, often times I completely outclassed the people who I shot, that of course was if they were even game enough to be more than a yappin’ mutt. A shoot out ain’t no fun if yer targets don’t know the trigger from their trigger finger, and they certainly ain’t worth the bullets, bounty, or pissed off family members.  Hasame took off his hat and gave me a stern glare, as if he was annoyed at being interrupted.

“Tell me, am I correct in assuming that you were in the military?” He gave me a quizzical look, but his eyes had a certain commandin’ look in ‘em, as if he was a law man interrogatin’ a criminal. He quickly glanced at my scar across my eye, and my burn scars on my hands. Fella’ must’ve assumed my time in the service because of my injuries and gun handlin’. Hasame, must be in the military where he’s from, and he must’ve been in it for a good long time to have that keen an eye for battle wear.

“Look china man, that ain’t none of yer business! I told ya, I ain’t takin’ no job’s and that’s all you need to know about me!” This set Hasame’s eyes on fire with anger.

“Insolent commoner, have you absolutely no manners! When two people meet, they honor each other by exchanging names, you have yet to give me your name. You yell at me as if I was an annoying beggar asking for change, and then you refuse my request! Lastly, I am not a man from China, I am Japanese!” I was taken aback by his reaction, manners were obviously very important to this man, but I honestly didn’t care a continental, I still wasn’t goin’ to take his job, and I wanted him offa my back.

“Well partner, don’t you just come in here givin’ orders like you are some eastern city-slicker business man talkin’ to his damn slaves! I don’t want yer job, and I ain’t goin’ to take it, I am fine right where I am.” My fist pounded the table with a loud thud, like a stubborn ass buckin’ an annoying ranch hand.

“By right here, you mean playing your card games, well I don’t think anyone will wish to play you if you cheat.” The crowd came back to their senses from the startlin’ I gave ‘em, and I could feel their eyes on me.

“I ain’t no damn cheater!” Just as I said that, there was a sudden white flash. “I win all my games fair and square and . . .” As I spoke I felt a cool chill on my right arm, as if it was exposed. I looked down and my sleeve was cut open, with my hidden cards spilled out all over the floor.

To Be Continued…

Otaku

Manga Series: Guts’ Adventure Begins – Berserk Volume 1 Review

*Warning: this post contains some explicit language and description*

Few manga manage the impressive feat of telling you everything you need to know and can expect within the first five pages. Berserk opens up with the main character, Guts, making love to a woman by the fire only  to reveal herself as a demon mid-climax. Unaffected by the interruption, Guts dispatches the demon in the series’ iconic gory manner with sinister glee. As Guts prepares to continue his journey, he looks back at the mess he left, and a regretful expression appears on his face. Berserk is famous for its copious amounts of sex, gore and plot twists, so I would say this is an excellent introduction to the series.

The first volume primarily deals with Guts’ journey to kill demons known as apostles, underlings of the mysterious Godhand. During his travels, Guts comes across his elven sidekick, Puck, a childlike spirit who develops a keen interest in Guts, despite his selfish and violent nature. After instigating a full scale slaughter in the name of killing a single apostle, Guts travels with a priest and his daughter to his next destination, where he is asked by a mutilated man to kill the local Count, who happens to be the apostle Guts is looking for. The volume ends as the man reveals himself to be in the possession of an egg-shaped object known as a Behelit.

The art on display here is top notch, to the point where I often forgot I was looking at a two dimensional picture. This effect is brought about by the excellent use of shading throughout the manga. This ranges from simple touches such as appropriate body shadows to distinct contrasts in light to create almost life-like light effects. Shading isn’t used just as literal detail to create depth, it is also used in metaphorical ways, such as completely blacking out Guts face after a kill, save a small patch of sharp white on his eyes, to demonize him. The art itself is lush with fine detail, especially during action scenes where Kentaro Miura shows us exactly how much he loves his violence. With each hit, blood splatters, teeth are knocked out, entrails burst from bodies, and many of these scenes involve entire towns. When Guts gets to fight the first apostle, we are treated to the gorgeously horrific snake armor of the apostle, with a snake head that casts an ever lingering shadow over the demon’s face, rough, spiky scale armor and flowing cape.  There are also several expanse scenes of the various environments, during various states of duress, with equally as much attention to detail as the characters. The only major complaint I can level against the art is Puck, who looks so unsoiled compared to everything else that the little elf can be something of an eyesore and feel completely out of place.

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It isn’t even the art on its own that makes Berserk such a beautiful comic to look at, it’s how the art works together with the dynamic panel layouts. No two pages of Berserk resemble each other; something about each one’s direction keeps the book animated throughout. Pages bring focus to the most important panels, characters literally pop out, huge events such as invasions are given appropriately large spreads, and dialog boxes expand over the images to emphasize key dialog.

While Berserk is exceptional in terms of its visuals, the first installment’s tale is not quite as spotless. For a series that has just begun, Berserk does quite a bit to convince the reader that there is far more to the world and characters than meets the eye. World-building is done in unison with the progression of the story, allowing readers small glimpses into the greater picture of the work, without delving into excessive exposition. However, the way the story unfolds becomes quickly obvious, with the basic rule of thumb being that the dark route will always be taken. By the time the priest showed up, I knew far before Guts got in the carriage with them that they were not going to be alive for much longer, especially since the priest’s daughter was built up as this innocent, sweet girl. Puck is also a somewhat sour point because his desire to follow Guts makes less and less sense as Guts continues to commit heinous acts in his quest for revenge. The story does make it apparent that Guts has a more human side, but with Puck having just met him, it stretches the suspension of disbelief for him to willingly pal around with Guts knowing what he is capable of.

As the start to the legendary series, volume 1 of Berserk creates great interest in continuing to read. The art is a shining example of what the medium is capable of, and each panel flows into the next as it should. The story is relatively predictable and simple, but begins the process of setting up its world without the need for excessive exposition. Overall, this is an introduction that gives the reader a very good idea as to what can be expected for the future, and that is the most important feat a first volume can achieve.

Otaku

Manga Series: Phoenix Volume 1

Volume one, titled Dawn, of the twelve part Phoenix series takes place in the earliest time period of the series, early Japan. The story follows the main character, Nagi, in the aftermath of the slaughter of his tribe at the hands of a foreign invasion. Taken as a slave by Saruta, the commander of the invasion force, Nagi ventures to a far off kingdom and bears witness to Queen Himiko’s fall to General Sarutahiko. The titular Phoenix ties the fates of all involved together, as each character has their own reasons for pursuing the legendary immortal bird, and new faces come seeking the bird as well.

Osamu Tezuka’s art is famously simplistic, taking direct inspiration from Disney, in its presentation of goofy, round characters with exaggerated proportions. Detail on characters is also kept to a minimum and as such many of the character designs start to blend together. Bowman and Himiko’s brother, Susano, can often times be hard to differentiate from each other. This is made easier by the fact that they rarely appear on the same panels together. The women of Phoenix are an even worse case. It seems as though Tezuka had a very specific idea for what made attractive women because the single woman who looked unique was considered ugly by all the other characters, until she was discovered to actually look like everyone else.

Tezuka’s character-designs aside, the actual art as a whole really comes alive when viewed as it was meant to be viewed: sequential art. Each panel flows perfectly into the next, and in many cases Tezuka plays around with this, mostly to comedic effect. In one instance, Nagi returns to his homeland to find his sister Hinako determined to repopulate his village, and the entire conversation takes place with her husband Em Dee, Nagi, and Hinako in their own columns of panels. As the conversation progresses, the characters’ expressions become more exaggerated and they begin to interact directly with the panels culminating in Hinako’s grand revelation, sending Nagi flying through the page into Em Dee. Even when the series utilizes standard manga panel set up, the bouncy and active scenes are a pleasure to look at.

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Tezuka uses the very boundaries separating the panels to add life to the pages. Image found on http://madinkbeard.com/archives/phoenix-volume-1-dawn

But, how will you get the exact solution if you are suffering through seizure, brand cialis online disorders in eating or if you recently exempt yourself from taking alcohols. Yes, cialis super 100mg online is said to be the solution for infants starting from 6months to the all above age groups. When a child has autism a child could have difficulties expressing his thought and emotion and some couldn’t converse at levitra tabs all. All these factors turn up and play their part in devastating the sex as well as married life an individual. djpaulkom.tv cheapest viagra no prescription Disney’s influence of Tezuka’s work appears to go deeper than simple art direction, as the writing style is also reminiscent of America’s beloved animation studio. Characters constantly make reference toward things that should not exist during that time period. Saruta contemplates catching up on his James Bond reading and dark themes are treated in a family friendly manner. While the lighthearted approach to these situations is certainly a standout feature of the work, it also undermines many of the stories more dramatic moments. Luckily these moments are few and far between so this isn’t often a problem.

Dawn also features a cast of fairly interesting and complex characters, both heroes and villains. Saruta is introduced as a merciless killer at the Queen’s beck and call, willing to murder women and children in her name. As he interacts with Nagi and gradually realizes the corruption of Himiko, Saruta becomes a caring father figure for Nagi, in place of the family he killed. It is Nagi’s relationship with Saruta that allows both of them to be endearing characters. The actual subject matter covered in Dawn is quite dark, and the story often takes startling paths. Over the course of the narrative, themes of mass killings, corruption in government, disease, and starvation are addressed. Never are these instances treated in a grim fashion though. Comedy can be, and often is, right in the next panel, and there is never a sense of dread from any of the events that take place. Early on, Saruta orders the complete slaughter of Nagi’s village, women and children included, under the belief that his loyalties as a soldier lie with the Queen no matter his orders. The actual execution of Nagi’s village is shown, but it is both bloodless and cartoony in nature, complete with visual gags and pop culture references in the aftermath.  While this makes the manga an easier read for a younger audience, it can make those who fully understand the implications of what is going on uncomfortable.

Now it might be noted that all the characters I used as examples in the previous paragraph were males. This curious little observation is not due to the fact that female characters do not populate the story; I have already mentioned a few and there are plenty more to be talked about. To say the gender politics demonstrated in Dawn are dated is potentially giving them too much praise. The only woman in a real seat of power is Queen Himiko. She spends the entire story obsessing over her looks, to the point that she literally ignores an invasion of her land. Another particularly egregious instance is when Saruta is captured by Sarutahiko, he is forced to marry a woman. Saruta acts harshly toward her because of her homely appearance, despite her only reason for getting  married was to save his life . After she reveals that the ugly face was merely a disguise, she begins to be treated with respect. There are other usages of women as plot-devices such as being used as hostages, and getting the male characters in trouble trying to save them.

Phoenix: Dawn is an interesting if not sometimes awkward read due to its backwards gender politics and its lighthearted treatment of its grim subject matter. The male leads are surprisingly well-rounded, especially the relationship between Saruta and Nagi. The art captures the simplistic joy of Disney retro cartoons, while still creating exciting scenes to keep the reader interested. The actual story is well-paced and constantly developing, giving every page something to weave the narrative’s thread further. Even with its issues, Phoenix is definitely a suggested read for any fan of sequential art.  Copies are hard to come by even online and can be quite expensive. My copy cost me about $40, but it’s a worthy addition to your collection.