All posts by Nathan Joseph Sitton Marchand

Hasta la Vista, Franchise!

A poster for the film, which opened July 1, 2015.

“Old, but not obsolete.” That was Arnold Schwarzenegger’s newest catchphrase in Terminator: Genisys. If only the same could be said about this franchise, which couldn’t be saved by the combined forces of the T-800 (Schwarzenegger), the Doctor (Matthew Smith) and the queen of dragons (Emilia Clarke).

After the defeat of Skynet, Kyle Reese (Jai Courtney) is sent back in time to protect Sarah Connor (Clarke) from a Terminator intent on killing her before she gives birth to resistance leader John Connor. However, when he arrives in 1984, he discovers the timelines have been drastically altered and nothing is as it once was.

Normally, I would post a spoiler warning at this point in my reviews, but in this case I don’t care. I haven’t been this disappointed and angry at a movie I saw in a theatre since G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra. James Cameron’s first two Terminator films are classics, both of them ranking among my favorite movies. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is a retread of T2 and runs counter to its theme of beating fate. Terminator: Salvation at least tries to be different by focusing on the war with the machines in the future, showing plot points that had only been hinted at before.

Genisys, on the other hand, is a muddled mess. A better title would’ve been Terminator 5: Wibbley-Wobbley-Timey-Wimey. Heck, Steven Moffat, the (in)famous showrunner for the BBC’s Doctor Who known for intricate time-travel plots, would watch this and say, “What the bleep is going on?!” It would take an entire chalkboard to diagram this script.

The original Terminator is sent back to 1984, but another T-800 that was sent back to 1973 from an alternate timeline interrupts its efforts to find clothes, theoretically (a word this T-800 is overly fond of) creating said alternate timeline, except that timeline is negated when Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese travel to 2017 to halt Judgment Day (which was somehow postponed again) after battling John Connor (Jason Clarke), who had been transformed into a nanomachine Terminator and sent back in time by Skynet to ensure its creation in an alternate timeline from a future that no longer existed.

Did any of that run-on sentence make sense? I wrote it and still can’t decipher it. This plot has more holes in it than a wall after a machine-gun fight. It gave me a headache the more I thought about it while watching. I was so busy trying to unravel these tangled threads or hoping they’d fix it by the end, I hardly noticed the few genuinely entertaining moments in the movie.

This isn’t the first time a “soft reboot” like this has been done. J.J. Abrams’ Star Trek did it first in 2009, followed by the video game Mortal Kombat in 2011 and last year’s X-Men: Days of Future Past. All of them did involve time-travel. There were two big differences, though: 1) the time-travel was simpler and made more sense, and 2) they respected the continuities that came before them. Each of them told time-travel stories that wouldn’t have happened had it not been for the other entries in their respective series. For example, had the previous X-Men films not happened, there wouldn’t have been a terrible future both Magneto and Prof. X wanted to prevent by sending Wolverine back in time. Also, in these cases, some characters did remember what happened in the old timelines, so those stories weren’t invalidated.

In Genisys, though, it utilizes nostalgia to increase its appeal only to slap those stories and their fans in the face. The audience sees Skynet fall and both the original Terminator and Kyle Reese be sent back in time—only to have Skynet in a robot body “assimilate” John Connor. Then through recycling old footage and/or painstaking frame-by-frame reconstructions, the first T-800’s arrival in 1984 is seen as it was in The Terminator, only to be interrupted by an older Schwarzenegger. Then a T-1000 inexplicably shows up and attacks Kyle Reese, who’s then saved by a Sarah Connor who’s skipped ahead to T2 mode. It was an exercise in instant gratification.
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Artwork by White_Wolf_Redgrave. Courtesy of Deviant Art.

(Ironically, Skynet’s avatar is played by Matt Smith. Yes, the 11th Doctor is responsible for all these screwy time-travel shenanigans. I’m not surprised. The irony doesn’t excuse the poor storytelling, though).

The worst part was—as the movie’s spoiler-ific second trailer showed—turning John Connor into a Terminator. It wasn’t enough to simply have a machine masquerade as him. No, the hero who’d been a focal point of the entire franchise was turned into Skynet’s pawn. It rivals Frank Miller’s deplorable treatment of Superman in The Dark Knight Strikes Again, where he’s become a willing servant of Lex Luthor. It’s beyond stupid.

Salvation was intended to be the first of a new trilogy, which I’m guessing would’ve been focused on the war with the machines, showing John Connor’s rise to power, and ultimately culminate with what was the first 10-15 minutes of this film. Everything would’ve come full circle. Unfortunately, the studio that made Salvation, the Halcyon Company, went under, leaving the franchise in limbo. So, after that was all sorted out, they gave us this.

There’s a scene where Sarah Connor and Kyle Reese remark on how people seem glued to their mobile devices—smartphones, PDAs, etc.—that are all about to be connected through a network called Genisys (which is actually Skynet). It was meant to be a commentary on modern man’s dependence on technology. I think this tangled mess of a “reboot” was made just for that scene. The stupid thing is this has always been one of the franchise’s themes. It’s a timeless idea. If the filmmakers wanted to “modernize” it a bit for the kids, they should’ve just done a straight reboot. Even that isn’t necessary. Despite advances in technology, the older Terminator films—especially the first two—still remain relevant.

Apparently, there are plans for two sequels to this film already. Now I wish someone could send a Terminator back in time to prevent Genisys from being made.

Final Grade: D

Enjoy the article? Watch my video review–wherein the T-800 tries to keep me from watching the movie!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJTurkNMHfw]

Chris Pratt is Here to Save Jurassic World

One of the posters for the film, which was released June 12, 2015.
One of the posters for the film, which was released June 12, 2015.

After being in “development hell” for over a decade, the fourth Jurassic Park film—the first since 2001—has finally been released. Does it tower over its predecessors like a mighty brontosaurus or fall prey to vicious mistakes like a pack of raptors?

A new theme park with cloned dinosaurs has opened on Isla Nublar, but the park’s latest attraction, a huge genetic hybrid called Indominus rex, has escaped and gone on a rampage.

From the start, Jurassic World has several challenges related to its premise. While the idea of the park opening and being successful is interesting, it still rehashes the original film by, once again, having these dangerous animals break free. Only this time there would be more people to eat. Creating a new breed of dinosaur seems like a lame gimmick to cover up the unoriginality. Think of how Terminator 3 is a retread of Terminator 2, except the villain is a female T-1000. Come to think of it, some would ask, “if the first park was a disastrous failure, why try it again?”

The film does manage to address these issues, for the most part. The new park was established by an entrepreneur to fulfill the dying wish of Dr. Hammond (the creator of the original park, played by the late Richard Attenborough). While it seemed Hammond had learned the hard way in previous films that the park was a bad idea, it could be argued that as he neared death he saw this as the best idea he had and wished to see it come to fruition. Seeing a chance to make a unique moneymaker, the entrepreneur seized upon the idea. In that way, it continues the series’ theme of man’s hubris in his attempt to control and/or manipulate nature. The creation of the Indominus rex (or “I-Rex,” as I like to call her) plays into this theme since she was created to reignite waning interest in the park. In fact, initially it’s only the I-Rex that escaped from its cage, creating a domino effect that freed several other species of dinosaur.

One of the film’s greatest strengths is its pacing and suspense. While Spielberg served only as an executive producer and not as director, Colin Trevorrow does an excellent job of channeling Spielberg’s style. At first the audience is shown only glimpses of the I-Rex as it hides among trees. Then a low shot of the legs. Only when it escapes from its cage and chases Chris Pratt is it fully seen. Not only that, but the scenes where the I-Rex stalks the humans—often coming within an inch of them—while they’re hiding is quite terrifying.

(SPOILERS AHEAD!)

Speaking of the I-Rex, it’s arguably the film’s primary villain. No, I think “supervillain” might be a better descriptor. Seriously, the creature could just as easily fit into an Avengers comic. While its primary genetic stock is that of a T-Rex, the rest is kept top secret, allowing filmmakers to unveil new abilities—or “superpowers,” if you will—as the film progresses. It’s intelligent enough to create misleading claw marks on its cage, it can cloak like a chameleon, it can hide from thermal scanners and it can communicate with raptors. Those are the ones I can remember off-hand. Couple that with being held in isolation all its life (though it did eat its sibling), and the heroes have a large, angry beast intent on putting itself on top of the food chain. However, unlike the original Jurassic Park, which presented the dinosaurs as animals and not monsters, the I-Rex is shown to kill for sport and not simply for food. Why it does this is never explained. Animals don’t do this. It would almost imply a human level of intelligence, but the I-Rex doesn’t display such behaviors. It seems like this was done simply to vilify the creature.

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(SPOILERS END)

I’ve spent all this time talking about the dinosaurs, but what about the humans? Only one character, Dr. Henry Wu (B.D. Wong), returns from the previous films, and his is a secondary role. While it takes about twenty minutes for him to show up, the star is Owen Grady (Chris Pratt), a raptor trainer. He proves to be resourceful, charming and smart, accusing the park owners of tampering with nature and unethical treatment of the animals. Now I understand why many in Hollywood think Pratt could play Indiana Jones. The rest of the characters, of which there are many with intertwining stories, end up in Pratt’s shadow, to an extent.

The most surprising is Vincent D’Onofrio, a powerhouse of an actor who is saddled with playing a cliché military man who wants to use the dinosaurs as weapons. He borders on caricature given the preposterousness of this notion. Not only have the creatures proven difficult to control, since they know nothing of tactics or weaponry, they could easily be defeated by enemy soldiers (heck, one of the raptors is killed by an RPG in the film!). The cast also includes two brothers (Nick Robinson and Ty Simpkins) who are sent to the park with their aunt (Bryce Dallas Howard), the park’s head of operations. While they give good performances, Howard comes across as a typical workaholic and the boys’ anxiety over their parents’ divorce isn’t quite resolved. The older brother promises to stick by the younger, but aside from reuniting with their parents at the end, the main issue isn’t addressed. Some might argue its better that way since divorce is a common experience for many kids, but I still felt it needed a bit more resolution.

Much like 2006’s Rocky Balboa, Jurassic World makes frequent allusions to the original film in the series and ignores the other sequels, but doesn’t retcon them away. Indeed, it does use nostalgia to bolster itself, sometimes in a borderline meta fashion, but not so much that the film can’t stand on its own merit.

The filmmakers wisely stuck to the Jurassic Park tradition of utilizing practical special effects and CGI, though this film has more of the latter than the previous entries (at least from what I can remember). The most obvious use of animatronics is seen when Pratt and Howard discover a dying brachiosaurus that was wounded by the I-Rex. However, practical effects weren’t used for scenes featuring muzzled raptors, where only their heads could be seen. The creature designs are all excellent, especially that of the I-Rex.

While it has plot and concept issues, Jurassic World still manages to be an entertaining summer blockbuster. It certainly rises above the other Jurassic sequels, but it can’t compare to the original classic.

Final Grade: B

Mad Max the Fury Road Warrior

The poster for the film. (Image courtesy of Wikipedia).
The poster for the film. (Image courtesy of Wikipedia).

Mad” Max Rockatansky returns from beyond Thunderdome after a 30-year absence. Tom Hardy may have replaced Mel Gibson in the Pursuit Special’s driver seat, but director George Miller is still at the helm of the post-apocalyptic franchise, which has yet to crash and burn.

Max is captured by the followers of a wasteland cult leader (Hugh Keays-Byrne), but Max quickly finds himself protecting the villain’s harem of concubines as they escape in a trek across the desert to the fabled “Green Place.”

(SPOILER WARNING!)

While I haven’t seen the previous Mad Max films in their entirety since college, I remember each one having a distinct style and flavor. The first was a police revenge story a la Dirty Harry—albeit a dystopian one—that featured a good story with much pathos. The Road Warrior (aka Mad Max 2) was a post-apocalyptic western that presented Max as mysterious, almost mythic figure. It was also the superior action movie of the trilogy. Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome is pure ‘80s sci-fi cheese (Tina Turner played a wasteland queen. ‘Nuff said!)

So, I went into Fury Road hoping to get a film that had elements of all three, and to a certain extent that’s what I got. It does have some pathos and some cheese, but it’s mostly a modern-day remake of The Road Warrior. Like the older film, it features a long trek involving a “caravan” in need of protection and lots of vehicular combat. However, Fury Road lacks the western styling of Road Warrior, which was bookended with a voice-over from a narrator who turned out to be one of the children in the tribe Max helped, making Max seem like a legend. Fury Road, on the other hand, begins with a narration by Max himself, but no concluding voice-over at the end. In that regard, I’m not sure what Miller was going for, especially when he borrowed as heavily from The Road Warrior as he did. However, if I was going to describe the film’s style, it’d be that it is an issue of Heavy Metal magazine brought to life—what with its deranged, often hyperkinetic energy—only classier. This is most apparent with the War Boy who‘s strung up like a marionette on a stage-like truck where he plays a electric guitar.

Also, like The Road Warrior, Max plays a secondary role for much of the film, while the supporting characters take center stage. This is predominantly Furiosa (Charlize Theron), a wasteland warrior with a makeshift bionic arm. She’s just as hardened as Max, but hasn’t lost all compassion. She liberates the five wives of cult leader Immortan Joe—one of whom is pregnant with his child—so she can take them with her to the “Green Place,” a land untouched by the fallout. She holds her own with Max while also serving as the heart of the movie. In most stories, these five concubines would’ve existed simply as eye candy or conquests for the heroes, but here they’re women trying to escape from slavery. While scantily-clad, they’re treated respectfully and prove useful during the journey.

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Immortan Joe and his family are disgusting villains that remind me of the Harkonnens from David Lynch’s Dune. They’re a gross, over-the-top brood of tyrants. Immortan Joe’s bulbous body is covered with sores, which are barely hidden by muscular see-through body armor. With his mane-like hair and sneering mask, he looks like a rabid lion. Mad Max films are well-known for their bizarre bad guys, and Immortan Joe is a great addition to the pantheon. Interestingly, the actor playing Joe also played the Toecutter, the psychotic biker gang leader who murdered Max’s family in the original film. It’s a great nod to what has come before. However, his minions, the “War Boys,” look like an army of Quan Chi cosplayers. This isn’t necessarily bad, they look great and each have distinctive personalities, but their appearance is still slightly derivative.

The film’s greatest strength is that it sticks to its roots. While some modern film techniques were used to make it, the aesthetics remain unchanged. The vehicles retain their insane, cobbled together hot rod stylings. Miller wisely made sure they looked like vehicles from the 1970s and 1980s for verisimilitude. While the date of the nuclear war is never given, it seems implied that it happened around the time of the first film’s release or not long afterward. The previous Mad Max films were definitely products of the Cold War, so it’s surprising Miller convinced Warner Bros. to release another sequel and not a reboot given the somewhat dated nature of its premise. On the other hand, those films have had a powerful impact on pop cultural, even if many young moviegoers are unaware of it.

One of the reasons why those original films have aged so well is their minimal use of post-production special effects. Most of the explosions, stunts and chases were done practically in camera, and they still remain both astonishing and thrilling. Here, however, Miller does employ some CGI, but does not over do it. Most of the work, it seems, was done in camera. The most obvious CGI effect was a violent sandstorm the characters pass through during a chase sequence, and even that was still satisfying.

The story, in a weird way, is something of a reversal of The Ten Commandments. Max and Furiosa are trying to lead their band to a “promised land” by wandering through the wilderness, but when they encounter Furiosa’s tribe, they learn the uninhabitable swamp they passed through was the fabled “Green Place.” Furiosa tries to lead them further into the wasteland hoping to find a new home, but Max convinces them to go back to Immortan Joe’s Citadel and take it over while it’s unguarded. Ironically, one of the concubines had tried to return to Joe during the journey, but was prevented from doing so. In The Ten Commandments, the Israelites regretted leaving Egypt and wished they could return to their lives of slavery, but they pressed on to a new home. In Fury Road, the heroes do go back from whence they came and make that their “promised land.”

Mad Max: Fury Road, while a little derivative, is still a post-apocalyptic thrill ride that remains true to its roots. It should please both fans of the series and newcomers alike.

Final Grade: B+

Fans will fall in love with ‘Lois Lane: Fallout’

Image courtesy of Amazon.

Lois Lane, the fearless Daily Planet reporter, is equally as iconic as DC Comics’ seminal hero Superman, but she usually serves as a supporting character. Author Gwenda Bond, however, reverses those roles while asking, “Who was Lois Lane as a teenager?” The result is Lois Lane: Fallout, a new YA novel (that appears to be the first of a series).

Sixteen-year-old Army brat Lois Lane moves to Metropolis where she gets a job as a reporter for a new online newspaper for teens called the Daily Scoop. She then learns a classmate, Anavi, is being tortured by a trio of bizarre bullies called the Warheads. The trio seem to have invasive mental powers thanks to a virtual reality video game.

Fallout is two parts Smallville and one part Sword Art Online. Like the former, it features a popular comic book character in her formative years. Lois, though young, is almost exactly the character fans know and love from the comics, albeit a bit immature. She’s tackling the typical problems a teenage Army brat has to deal with—constant moving, adjusting to new schools, trying to make friends—but with her trademark stubbornness. She may be rough around the edges, but it’s obvious she’d do anything to help the less fortunate, as evidenced by her efforts to protect Anavi. What starts as a simple problem leads to a complicated web of industrial subterfuge. Regardless, underneath all that is the important lesson of intervening to stop bullying.

The plot of Fallout, as I alluded, is reminiscent of the anime Sword Art Online (which is based on a series of Japanese light novels). Lois discovers that Anavi is a gamer and plays a new VR game called Worlds War Three using a holoset. The Warheads also play the game, and they often oppress her in the game, too. The game itself could be described as the bizarre lovechild of World of Warcraft and Mass Effect, creating an MMO featuring both dragons and aliens (among other things). While the game is a huge part of the story, the characters dive into it only a few times, which is to its credit. It would’ve been too easy and cliché to set the story in the VR world. The novel may as well have been a Superman/Sword Art Online crossover fan fiction at that point. Plus, it makes more sense to defeat the villains in “real life” than in the video game. Should this become a series, I don’t know if the VR game will be featured. I’d rather it wasn’t, or at the very least not used as the focal point of the plot.

While some have complained that Lois, despite being a strong woman, is too often rescued by Superman (I’d argue she just has a tendency to get in over her head), she’s quite competent here. Only once or twice does another character have to bail her out of trouble. Yet at the same time, she doesn’t mind being rescued. Bond could have easily turned her into a so-called “feminist heroine” who pretends to be invincible, but her Lois is willing to be vulnerable, although that usually requires people to crack her Army brat shell.
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As is typical with YA, the heroine serves as its narrator, and Lois’ rampant snark never ceases to be entertaining. Bond perfectly replicates Lois’ distinct voice. It really is like hearing a young Margot Kidder except in present-day. Lois’ reactions to the scantily-clad elf princess avatar her co-reporter creates for her in the VR game are particularly poignant and funny. This book’s style has a fairly unique feature: the inclusion of texting/internet chats. The paragraph structures and fonts change whenever these come up, visually signaling to the reader the change. By transcribing these chats, it makes them easier to follow. Interestingly, while Lois is usually a notoriously bad speller, these chats are free of typos and have only a few emoticons or other Internet lingo. Was this a creative license on Bond’s part? Regardless, it’s better for reading purposes.

Most of these conversations are with an enigmatic boy whose username is “SmallvilleGuy.” Well, he’s enigmatic to Lois, anyway. Bond throws in many subtle hints that even the most casual of Superman fans will know this fella is in fact Clark Kent. He never gives his real name, and other than seeing his avatar in the VR (a blue-eyed alien, ironically), he and Lois never meet. While he plays second fiddle to Lois, he’s no incompetent sidekick. He’s proficient with technology and uses his connections within an internet group to gather information for Lois, as she investigates the technology firm behind Worlds War Three. He saves her once within the game—by firing laser beams from his eyes—and helps out during the climax, but for the most part he simply supports Lois’ efforts. Understandably, Lois wrestles with how she feels about him, constantly telling herself he’s just a friend despite their meeting in the VR game feeling like a date (this is YA, after all, the heroine must struggle with such things). It’s a great transposition and foreshadowing of what fans know will come in the future.

Which leads to one of the book’s minor flaws: the rest of the supporting cast isn’t as compelling. Lois’ parents are interesting enough, but her cohorts at the Scoop don’t hold as much intrigue. It’s not that they’re poorly written, but because “SmallvilleGuy” is—or rather, will be—Superman, they’re overshadowed by him. Other than the Warheads, who turn out to actually be pawns, there’s no real villain in the story. There’s a CEO and a few scientists at the end, but they’re hardly ever seen. For a book inspired by comic books, this seems a bit strange. Also, Bond is fond of characters who shrug only one shoulder for some reason. Most of them do that at least once. A nitpick, I know, but it happens a lot.

Regardless, Lois Lane: Fallout is a wonderful read for even the most casual of Superman fans.

Final Grade: A-

Jupiter Descending into a Beautiful Tapestry of Crazy Ideas

After a six-month delay, the Wachowskis’ latest science fiction epic has hit theatres. Was it worth the wait? That depends on your suspension of disbelief.

A young woman (Mila Kunis) learns she is a member of an intergalactic royal family and has been targeted for assassination; however, a disgraced alien soldier (Channing Tatum) is determined to keep her safe at all costs.

(SPOILER WARNING!)

I’m a sucker for space operas. When I heard the Wachowskis’ were working on a film that looked to be equal parts Star Wars and Dune, I was intrigued. Well, perhaps “curious” is a better way to put it. The Wachowskis’ star—to use a space-themed metaphor—has been slowly falling since the release of the Matrix sequels. Even the first film of that trilogy, while revolutionary in 1999, has lost some of its luster and seems destined to be relegated to cult classic status despite its initial popularity. Regardless, I went into Jupiter Ascending with an open mind. Indeed, I wanted to like this film. Unfortunately, I find myself at a bit of a loss for words, but not because the film left me speechless.

As a speculative fiction aficionado and writer, I’m well-versed with the genre’s unique writing challenges. In particular, they require more exposition in order to explain its worlds and its rules. This is usually harder to do in a film because the format requires a more focused and streamlined story than, say, books, which have the advantage of being able to meander and explain things in more depth.

It’s in this department Jupiter Ascending falters. It constantly throws names, terms and concepts at the audience throughout its two-hour run time. Even for someone like me, I was a bit confused at points. Now, I was genre-savvy enough to figure out some things, and others were explained later. A small example: a character used the phrase, “Feed him to the void,” which baffled me until a few minutes later when another character was ejected out an airlock. With all the alien races, political factions and military organizations running about and their sometimes murky motivations and loyalties, it is easy to get lost. On one hand, it shows how expansive the film’s universe is, which is good. The best worlds in speculative fiction are ones that are larger than the stories at hand. It lends them a sense of verisimilitude. The problem is Jupiter Ascending gives the audience little time to process anything. Exposition is done best early on so the plot and characters take the forefront later (though with more exposition peppered throughout), but Jupiter Ascending spends most of its run time on exposition, especially in the first half. To its credit, it’s not so convoluted that the main plotline is indecipherable, but much of the minutia is confusing.

Like Steven Moffat does for his Doctor Who scripts, the Wachowskis stuff a multitude of ideas into Jupiter Ascending, but focus on only one; the rest are details. Unlike Moffat, the Wachowskis’ concepts aren’t as airtight. While it wasn’t necessary to explain everything, these details had so many holes it undermined some of this universe’s integrity. Case in point: after a harrowing mid-air chase through Chicago with alien spacecraft, the buildings are shown at a distance being quickly repaired. Caine (Tatum) explains that people’s memories will be wiped so as to perpetuate the illusion that nothing happened. While he said some would “slip through the cracks,” it’s assumed their stories wouldn’t be believed. Considering the particular aliens doing this looked like the infamous “greys,” the implication is that they inspired those stories. This raises too many questions that aren’t answered. What about footage on security cameras? How can they rebuild these skyscrapers this fast? How do they account for people who are injured or killed? Do they collect all the debris from their damaged ships? Simply repairing buildings and erasing (most) people’s memories isn’t enough to avoid detection. Ironically, the film illustrates this itself by having the “greys” overlook a photo taken by Jupiter (Kunis) with her smartphone when she spots them. Worse yet is there’s no clear reason given for the secrecy. It could be inferred that, given the Abrasax family’s genocidal plan for Earth (more on that later), it’s meant to avoid a rebellion, but given their vastly superior technology and supreme arrogance, it seems more likely they’d assume they’re unbeatable.

Another faulty idea is this concept called “recurrence,” which is essentially a scientific version of reincarnation. It’s said that on rare occasions a person is born with the exact same genetics as someone who has died, and this, apparently, entitles him/her to the same rights and privileges as the forerunner. Jupiter (Kunis) is being targeted for assassination because she is a recurrence of the Abrasax queen. This, the central conceit of the film, is ridiculous. I’m not a scientist, but by my understanding of genetics, the odds of the same set of genes coming together to make what amounts to a double of someone is near impossible, if not completely impossible, outside of identical twins or cloning. It’d be like making a naturally-born “reincarnation” of George Washington president by virtue of his genes. While the Abrasax siblings make frequent remarks about Jupiter looking like their mother and sometimes even ask if she has her memories, it’s clear that Jupiter isn’t the same person. What’s sad is this “genetic royalty” is the only thing that makes her special. Now, this intergalactic society places the highest regard on genetics and the manipulation of them, but this notion still borders on absurd.

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My apologies for spoiling a 1973 cult classic. :P

How this works is never explained. It wouldn’t have needed a detailed explanation, let alone a terribly scientific one, but I don’t understand why human beings are needed to make this substance or why it requires 100 bodies to make one bottle of the stuff. As it stands, it’s only a plot device to make some of the Abrasax siblings more villainous than others.

Also, bees were genetically engineered to sense royalty. Then why don’t they swarm the Queen of England? Or do they only detect “reincarnated” intergalactic queens?

Jupiter herself is a problematic heroine, though I use that term loosely. First, if I may nitpick, while her namesake is technically the planet, the name Jupiter is masculine. It’s the Latin name of Zeus and more or less means “shining father.” I suppose it somewhat ties into her true character, but even then it still seems mismatched. Regardless, the bigger problem is she hardly does anything despite being the intended protagonist. She makes a few choices that affect the plot and sort of joins the action during the climax, but for the most part she spends the film being the McGuffin, getting rescued and/or feeling useless. The supporting characters do most of the heavy lifting. I realize she’s a maid and not a fighter, but the Wachowskis could’ve done more with her.

It sounds like I absolutely hated this film, which isn’t true. There’s cool stuff here. The special effects are outstanding. Unlike the monochromatic Matrix trilogy, this film is full of vibrant colors. The creature, ship and technology designs are imaginative. The universe is lush with history and splendor. I’ve rarely seen this level of world-building in a film. In fact, the most recent example of competition I can think of is Avatar (and maybe the Wachowskis’ Cloud Atlas). The villains, as mentioned, “wear hats” ranging from gray to black. Eddie Redmayne gives the most interesting performance as Balem, the youngest Abrasax, by giving him a breathy, quiet voice that always makes him sound a little off-kilter (though it does sometimes get annoying). There are a few memorable lines, like Stinger’s (Sean Bean) advice to Caine, which gets the hero to rush in and save Jupiter. The action is well-done and exciting. Too bad these were buried under an overabundance of faulty ideas.

Ultimately, Jupiter Ascending is a flashy film over-encumbered by its gee-whiz ideas. If you suspend enough disbelief, it’s a fun ride. Otherwise, you may find yourself asking too many questions.

Final Grade: C